capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
