Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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