i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
