Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.