so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down