If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding