is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
