hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
