Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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