have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
