what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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