In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
