u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
