this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
