what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
