u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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