she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
