sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you still have your period?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
