Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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