we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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