No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I intend to get homeless drunk
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
