you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
