My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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