he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
