I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
