I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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