Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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