I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize