So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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