Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
