Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
