you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
