Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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