i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You ruined the universe
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
