how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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