Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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