what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
