That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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