We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
