why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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