i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We are two peas in an std pod
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
