I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
FUCK WHALES
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
