If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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