"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
