i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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