It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
