i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
