Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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