I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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