Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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