The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
