Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You made out with two different species that night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize