if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
