just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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