She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
