and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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