I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We're too hungover to prance.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize