I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
