Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
