What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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